Don’t blame me please. I swear it wasn’t my fault. I don’t even remember what happened it was all a blur and now your gone. I can hear you whispering in my ear every night “till death do us part remember?” then after that it’s all a black vision. My momma said not to marry you. So silly of me to ignore her. I’m just a young girl I thought I was happily married and could feel the love flowing through my vains. But really all I could feel was the bruises you left me after you got upset. I see bits and pieces, little flash backs of what you did to me.
It’s not my fault, why doesn’t anyone believe me? I just don’t understand. And someone please tell me exactly where I am. I’m in this tiny room and the windows are barred up, there’s a bed in the corner and there are pills on the table. The walls are so soft someone get me out of here. And suddenly the door opens. “who are you?” I replied. “Relax, I’m only here to help, im your new friend … Dr. Skarlit”. Your a doctor but don’t tell me you understand because you don’t. I don’t even understand anymore.
This isn’t normal and I just want to go home. Where is my husband, I need to see him. And no one is telling me anything. There is pricks and bandages all over me. But you still don’t understand I know you don’t. He sits down and looks at me. He tells me I’ll explain one part and maybe you should remember the rest. And he says calmly “How do you feel about your husband?” And it all comes back to me. This flashback is so real and I feel the blood boiling through me again. And suddenly I remember. I hate him. I hate him so much. Maybe you can’t understand I don’t expect you too. And I told him to leave me alone I did nothing but love to him to death. Haha get it death. That’s what he said to me he said till death do us part. Now it’s til death do us part from the mess you made. “What mess? Tell me what mess?” The doctor replied and I yelled and screamed with tears and suddenly I can feel myself getting upset again.
He was so drunk, he was so high. But you don’t understand we’re young right? Young kids like to experiment right? No we’re married. All those things stop for someone you love because it hurts. And I walked in a room and that phone rang over and over as he was in the shower after a night with his friends. And I answered it. It was a woman she sounded so happy. I bet he never hit her. I bet he must love her more than me. I didn’t make a sound I just answered and let her speak. “Baby, lets go out tonight it’s our year anniversary and I want thank you for loving me and our family so much” I hung up. And I can’t think straight anymore. Baby? Baby? This can’t be. We were high school sweethearts. We had a life ahead of us back then. I know you remember. Now the room is spinning. We’ve been married for four years now. I bet he met her at college. I open a text in his phone with her name “Come over” I press send. But you don’t understand I don’t expect you understand.
Dr. Skarlit my name is Vanity. I’m 24 years old. I’m madly in love with my husband who I met when I was only 13 years old. And he hurt me, I felt it in my bones, I felt it in my soul. I felt fire. And he needed to feel it too. He came out the shower and I stabbed him in his heart so he can feel the pain he did to me. I wanted him to suffer and get that feeling of how hard it is when you can‘t breathe and it‘s a weight on top of you. And now he feels it I know he does. I sat there and called the cops.. “ Come quick, he’s dead” . I hung up before they even responded back asking for an address and I don’t care if they come or not.
He doesn’t deserve to live. And I sat there waiting for his other loved one to walk through that door. I lit a cigarette with this blood on my hands. The door bell rang and I let her in, looked at her, walked passed her as I exhaled the smoke from my cigarette. I smiled and said happy anniversary.
Dr. Skarlit, I’m vanity, im young, in love and pregnant by a dead man.
Chapter one
I don’t understand why I’ve always been so hard to love even after being looked in the face with such genuine eyes. Even in my wrong doing I’m asking why wasn’t good enough when I’ve done so much good. I’d say the only regret I have is killing you off instead of myself but I .. I still wished you loved me. I remember when we first met how handsome you were while all the girls gawked those dimples and mischievous smile. Your energy was magnetic, your smile contagious but no one understood how broken you were. No one understood how broken I was either and why we clung to the best parts of each other to make one another whole. I’d live in the background if that means you would always been in my spotlight. You easily became my protector after you were enemy.
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